The Anthropocene

Shall I revisit my old, faithful, neglected blog?
Why not?

I am feeling frustrated today.  The morning began with a baby mouse stuck on a sticky-trap in the kitchen.  A STICKY TRAP?? REALLY?? Are we barbarians??  My idiot, selfish, ignorant roommate bought sticky traps for the "mouse problem."  And I awoke to find a perfectly coherent baby mouse stuck to one, all four paws and his jaw, still fully conscious and squeeking.  So.... my roommate tells me to put it in a bag and throw it in the trash.  So I do.  This is obviously a cruel, cruel, evil, evil thing to do and I am THE BIGGEST softy with animals, so what's my internal plan?  To retrieve it from the trash in secret, somehow free it from it's sticky prison, and LET IT GO OUTSIDE!! What do I care if it comes back in the house? (I don't).  Or gets eaten by a cat? (That's at least a TAD more natural of a death).  Will I have it perish in absolute fear, all-fours stuck to a hellish goo? NO.  So my roommate comes to ask if I threw it out, I say yes, we both talk about how bad we feel for it (different roommate than bought the sticky traps), and how we need to not use sticky traps anymore.  She says she is going to have our other roommate squish it to put it out of it's misery.  Yes, good idea, obviously preferable to having it suffocate in the dark of the trashcan on the sticky trap.  But now there's no way for me to rescue it.  I am too embarrassed to speak up and say I want to free it, and she doesn't want it released outside because it will come right back in (which it will).  So I agree,  And roommate #4 goes outside and squishes it.  And now baby mouse is dead.  And I feel terrible.  And angry. And guilty.  I don't know that I could have actually saved it, the trap was EXTREMELY sticky.  But I could have tried.  And that has set the tone for the day.
(The incident was followed rapidly by me leaving the house for work, trying to get coffee at Dunkin' Donuts, driving around the block to go the "fast way" and getting stuck at several traffic lights, only to see that the parking lot is packed with Drive-Thruers and ambulances (??) and forcing me to abandon my decaf;  Which is for the best- I (and everyone) do not need the chemical nonsense served by Dunkin' Donuts.  A second, less dramatic failure (success?) for the morning).

Ok so I'm at work, emotionally healing myself from the mouse ordeal, finding solace in the fact that baby has joined the spirit world.  Trying not to think about what an exciting winter he might have had, scurrying through leaves, hoarding his little seeds and crumbs, making brave escapes from the neighbors' cats.  (Ridiculous, obviously.  Sort of.  Romantacized.  But... Alas.  He could have had a life, nonetheless).

*Well, several hours have passed so I'm feeling a bit less frustrated.  Not less sad about my poor mouse friend, but I've had other things to do and managed not to dwell on it too much.  Nothing like distraction to make you forget your woes.

That being said, the other avenue of my frustration was--of course--stress and anxiety and grief and anger over environmental issues.  That is constant with me, of course, but more pronounced at some times than others.  I was recently introduced to Story Maps as a means of information dissemination, interactive presentations with all types of media, fact sharing, general "storytelling" about a specific topic, and watched one this morning on "The Age of Humans."  It was relatively simple, focusing on basic facts about what humans have done to the planet and showing (awesome) GIS maps on specific topics--satellite images of population density in certain cities, land percentage lost to agriculture, removed forest area, etc.  I thought it was a really really good, informative presentation and shared it on Facebook.  Of course, no one will react to a post like that.  It's not juicy enough, and no one (at least that I'm friends with) has time to look at something of that nature.  They're too preoccupied with Ferguson (don't get me wrong... that's important :/ ), promoting their art businesses, pictures of their well-crafted dinners, Buzzfeed, and so on.  WHY DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT?!?!?!??! I must really and truly live in the wrong place.  I feel like I can't connect to ANYBODY about my insights, worries, sadness, goals, plans, anything  because nobody I know has any interest whatsoever, the theme of my perspective is simply not shared and apparently not understood.  I guess people are right when they say the southeast is a little behind...

I just want to be connected with people that think for themselves, that are TRULY open-minded (no, not that you support gay rights and have a vague notion of the dangers of GMOs are and superficially disagree with CAFOs).  People that ACTIVELY QUESTION THINGS THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE.  That comprehend that our society is not simple and straight-forward and credible at face-value but that there is much much much more going on behind the scenes of easily-accessible media, behind front-page news and generally accepted ideologies.  STOP! BEING! A! ZOMBIE! STOP! SWALLOWING! ALL! THE! BULLSHIT!

Ugh. My frustration levels have risen again.  Is writing blog posts supposed to make you seethe with anger??

  (Probably).

I am going to end this post before I get too dramatic and unnecessarily upset.  But, these are very real emotions and struggles for me and I have to figure out a way to get past them.  If that means relocating to an area where I feel I can connect with the people and the tone of the culture and society in general, then I'll do it.  It's just so discouraging to never be able to discuss the things you care about, to be surrounded by people who are seemingly unconcerned with the harsh reality of our present situation, that don't see what a blind trajectory we are blazing along with foolish abandon.  We are so successfully distracted with our own infinitesimal daily routines and troubles... people refuse to think about a larger reality.  I could be branded as a loony just for using those two words together... LARGER REALITY.  And yet it's a truth that is strictly, almost forcibly ignored.  I need sustenance from people who want to expand boundaries and discover true human power.  Ahem, excuse me, LIFE power.  The power of the life force.  (OH NO, I'm getting really "transcendental," must..stop...while I'm... ahead).

Do your research, people.  Think critically, be imaginative, don't swallow the pill of media-based education.  TRUST NO ONE! (hehe. Ok, THAT was for dramatic flair).
But seriously.  Don't call someone "cynical" because they question the credibility of the flu shot.
(It's a scam, do a tiny PINCH of research, or even just think about it for three minutes, and you'll most likely see that).
Don't let them win!!! :):):)

And, on my end, I'll try to remain calm about the hopelessness of my current, infinitesimally small and minor unsatisfactory situation.

Final note- the life of that poor mouse on the sticky pad DID and DOES matter.  If I could go back in time, I would swallow my pride and make an actual effort to help him live.

The Anthropocene Story Map- or, How We've Ruined the Planet

A dream I had

A dream I had.  It was the most amazing, realistic, and most vivid psychological experience I've had.  In the dream, I lived my entire life with an intense connection with a polar bear.  I saved this bear in his infancy from a horrible death, and likewise gave him the ability to speak and understand me.  We lived a beautiful life together with a friendship deeper than any I have ever had in "real life." At the end of my life, my polar bear was caught in some evil magic that threatened to not only kill him but erase his entire existence. By some magic power I was allowed to time-travel back to the moment I formed my bond with this bear, and was able to prevent his ultimate end from occurring.  BUT, I had to alter one tiny piece of our bonding moment (I can't remember what this piece was in detail), and in doing so would negate our ability to bond, speak to each other, and emotionally connect.  I basically chose to sacrifice our life of beautiful friendship so that ultimately his existence would not be erased.

The intensity of this dream has honestly changed me, and continues to do so.  I don't know what the dream means. But it was incredible.  I have never had such strong waking emotions as I did in this dream.

Still poopin' along

What has inspired me to write a little blog article before work when I haven't blogged in years?  I don't know, I'll have to get back to you on that.
I have tried unsuccessfully to create other blogs in the past couple years but I can't get the templates to work with me, and I don't know how to import photos and add in different links and all the stuff that most bloggers can do these days.  Could I figure it out?  I guess... Will I? Possibly later.
What's important is my current state of affairs, though.  That's what blog posts are for if I'm not mistaken.  I am moving to San Francisco in a few months to go to graduate school at San Francisco State University, to get a MA in Geography- Resource Management and Environmental Planning.  Sounds cool right?  Sounds expensive doesn't it?  Sounds a tad cliche hm?  Fortunately I don't care about any of those things because I personally believe that the earth is doomed and don't think that any of us really have a whole lot longer here anyhow.  It's not a grim outlook, despite first appearances.  It's actually liberating.

In other news, I AM TWENTY FIVE NOW! Remember when I started this blog and I was 20?  That's kinda cute.  Actually, in some ways it feels like a lot more than five years ago that I was working at the Grand Canyon (the adventure that produced this blog. I think). Five years is a long time I guess.. these days it doesn't feel like it but how much has happened since that summer speaks for itself.

SIDENOTE- my next door neighbors are also my landlords.  I am currently on the front porch, and my landlord's brother is building a mailbox right outside the porch.  His nieces (my next door neighbor's children) are freaking ADORABLE, this from a person who is not overfond of children and not even fond of children.  Their mother is Mexican and their father is black and they are twins of ~2-3 years, girls, and they are currently bugging their uncle as he tries to work.  It's pretty great to watch.  Kids are... something else.  These two have some sort of frilly t-shirts on and pink Crocs and little pink and purple pantaloons and they're trying really hard to hang out with their unc and I don't think he's interested.  I'd get a picture but I don't want to step on any toes.

Someone broke in to my car and stole my computer last November.  I was parked near Yeah! Burger in Virginia Highlands where I was bartending at the time.  I had just come down from being at my parents' house for Thanksgiving and hadn't had time to drop my stuff at home.  My computer was hidden under a bunch of other stuff but I guess that doesn't cut it these days.  The damn thing was stolen, and my window was smashed and blah blah blah.  I was fired from the restaurant not long after that for, literally, the dumbest reason ever.  I would write about it but it is literally idiotic and I don't feel like it.  Also- a duffel bag was stolen from my car to put the laptop in.  In the bag were clothes, some tea, knitting yarn, and an unopened book of checks.  I cancelled my checking account upon realizing that the checks were gone.  I had forgotten that 4 days before I wrote a check to a big farmer's market (they don't accept credit card).  SO- the check bounced.  They mailed a letter to my parents' house, because their address is on my check because my mailbox in Atlanta is sketchy (thus the new one currently being built).  SO, my mom mails a new check to the PO box on the letter she received about the bounced check.  Wrong address I guess, because they either never got that check or disregarded it because it was from a different person, I don't know, BUT come February I get a citation saying I am being charged with check fraud.  SO NOW I get to go to court about check fraud.  Over $42.00. Original court date was scheduled for when I was going to be in Europe, so had to get that changed real quick before I left.  Still have court awaiting me in July. Talk about a rough winter!

Things are looking up for me now though!  Just thought I'd share that story.
And now I will go read Game of Thrones (Clash of King, actually, Book 2) until work.  Bye!!